What is the Rite of Passage Step?
Around age 16 is an ideal time to clearly give your child a vision for their future as an emerging adult, which is why we’ve created the Rite of Passage step on the Faith Path. Challenge your teen to leave behind the world of childhood and invite him/her into his/her emerging adulthood. This is a crucial part of helping your child anticipate and accept God’s plan for the future.
A rite of passage event signifies a transition from one stage to another and is an opportunity to set a new tone for your changing relationship with your teen. As a parent, you are moving from being primarily a teacher to being mostly a coach as your child accepts the new freedoms and responsibilities that accompany young adulthood. Let your teen know that you will be there to help him/her work through challenges and navigate landmines as he/she takes ownership of choices and a future walk with God. But beyond this event, create intentional one-on-one times to connect and keep the lines of communication open over the coming months and years.
Put It Into Practice
It is less important how you plan your child’s rite of passage and more important that you plan it. Some families host a simple dinner with family and close friends, while others do something more elaborate, like a road-trip adventure with various stops. Decide and plan what works best for your teen and your situation. Here are three simple steps to get you started:
Create a plan. A small investment of thought and effort will mean a great deal to your child. Some common elements of a rite of passage ceremony include:
- A blessing: Use this milestone to give a blessing, perhaps in the form of a letter affirming your child’s potential and expressing gratitude for his/her life.
- A vision for the future: Take time to provide direction for the future. Cast vision and direct your child to seek the Lord as they enter a season of significant decisions that will impact the future.
- A gift: Consider purchasing or making something to give to your teen during this time. It doesn’t need to be extravagant. It is more important that it serves as a tangible keepsake of the event that your child can hold onto for years to come. Ideas include a piece of jewelry, a book of letters/blessings, or even a sword.
Invite people who have made an impact on your child’s life and/or whom they respect. Give each person a specific topic on which he or she will speak or write a letter. Some topics may include work, marriage, integrity, faith, purity, family, etc.
Make it easy for others to participate by providing them with recommended wording for their talk or letter to help them avoid becoming nervous or appearing ill-prepared.
Next Steps
Even a simple rite of passage experience can have a powerful impact in your teen’s life. Ask yourself the following questions to plan the best approach for your child:
Evaluate
- Is our relationship strong enough for the experience to feel authentic rather than forced?
- Does my child have other adults in his/her life who have had enough influence to participate in such an experience?
- Does my student show signs he/she is willing to move toward adult responsibilities and attitudes?
- If you answer no to any of these questions, it might be better to plan a special dinner alone together to begin meaningful dialogue rather than attempt the full rite of passage experience.
When
- What day is best to make this event special? On a birthday? In conjunction with a holiday? As a special day of its own?
- What date would work best for those who might need to travel to participate?
Who
- What relatives should participate? (grandparent, respected aunt or uncle, older brother or sister, etc.)
- Is my child close to a pastor, youth minister, teacher, or coach that he/she respects?
- If you are not planning the event as a surprise, invite your teen to suggest who he/she would like to be included.
How
- Would my child prefer a formal event or a casual experience?
- What would be a good setting for the event? (family home, grandparent’s home, a favorite restaurant, the church, park, etc.)
- What kind of fun activity would our child enjoy doing before the formal portion of the event?
Additional Resources
- Letters from Dad by Greg Vaughn
- Rite of Passage Breakout from the Uncommon Parenting Conference 2023
- Rite of Passage by Jim McBride
- Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis
- Rite of Passage Parenting by Walker Moore
- King Me by Steve Farrar